Photo credit: Craig Field Photos
Living with trauma, particularly complex PTSD (C-PTSD), can have a profound impact on every aspect of life, including how we interact with others. Relationships are built on trust, communication, and emotional vulnerability, but when trauma is involved, these foundational elements can become difficult to navigate. In my previous posts, I’ve explored the effects of mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, and C-PTSD, and how they shape our daily lives. Here, I want to focus specifically on how trauma affects interpersonal relationships and provide practical advice on building and maintaining healthy connections.
How Trauma Affects Relationships
Trauma, especially complex trauma, can leave deep emotional scars that alter the way we perceive ourselves and those around us. Unlike PTSD, which usually stems from a single traumatic event, C-PTSD develops from prolonged, repeated exposure to trauma, often in situations where escape wasn’t possible, such as in cases of childhood abuse or chronic neglect. As a result, C-PTSD affects not only how we process emotions but also how we relate to others.
Here are some ways trauma can impact relationships:
Emotional Dysregulation
People with C-PTSD often experience intense emotional reactions that may feel overwhelming or disproportionate to the situation. This can lead to mood swings, irritability, or emotional numbness, all of which can confuse or alienate loved ones. It becomes difficult to manage these emotions in ways that foster positive, stable relationships.
Trust Issues
Trauma can erode trust, making it hard to feel safe in relationships. For those with complex trauma, there’s often a deep-seated fear of being hurt again, which can manifest as suspicion, hypervigilance, or avoidance. This can result in pushing people away, even when they genuinely want to offer support.
Fear of Abandonment
A common symptom of C-PTSD is a heightened fear of abandonment. The individual may become overly dependent on loved ones for reassurance or exhibit behaviours that seem clingy or controlling. On the flip side, some people withdraw emotionally, distancing themselves to avoid potential rejection.
Difficulty Communicating Needs
Trauma survivors often struggle with articulating their needs, either because they’ve been conditioned to suppress their emotions or because they fear being a burden. This can lead to misunderstandings and frustration on both sides, as partners, friends, or family members may not understand what’s needed for support.
Avoidance and Isolation
Trauma can trigger a strong desire to withdraw from others, even those who are close. The fear of being vulnerable or exposed can lead to avoidance, resulting in emotional isolation. Over time, this isolation can strain relationships, as it becomes harder to connect and communicate effectively.
How to Communicate with Loved Ones About Trauma
Talking about trauma, especially with people who may not fully understand, can be intimidating. But open communication is essential for building healthy relationships, particularly when trauma is part of the equation.
Here are some strategies to help navigate these conversations:
Start Slowly and Be Honest
You don’t have to disclose everything at once. Start by sharing small, manageable pieces of information about your trauma and its impact on your daily life. Being honest about your experiences is important, but so is pacing yourself. It’s okay to take your time and decide what feels safe to share.
Educate Your Loved Ones
Not everyone understands the complexities of trauma or mental health conditions like C-PTSD. You can help by gently educating them about how trauma affects your emotions, behaviour, and relationships. Provide resources or suggest articles they can read to gain a better understanding of what you’re going through.
Set Boundaries
Boundaries are essential in any relationship, but they’re especially important when trauma is involved. Be clear about what you need to feel safe and respected, whether that’s setting limits on certain conversations, needing alone time to process emotions, or asking for space when feeling overwhelmed. Healthy boundaries help prevent feelings of resentment and foster mutual respect.
Use "I" Statements
When discussing sensitive topics related to trauma, using "I" statements can help prevent the other person from feeling blamed or attacked. For example, instead of saying, “You never understand what I’m going through,” you might say, “I feel overwhelmed when I can’t explain what’s happening, and I need some patience while I figure it out.”
Ask for What You Need
It’s important to communicate your needs clearly, even if it feels uncomfortable. Whether you need emotional support, reassurance, or just someone to listen without judgment, let your loved ones know how they can help. Most people want to offer support but may not know how without guidance.
Building and Maintaining Healthy Relationships While Living with Trauma
Building healthy relationships when you’ve experienced trauma is challenging, but it’s also entirely possible. By cultivating self-awareness and working on healing, you can form connections that are supportive, fulfilling, and nurturing.
Here are some ways to foster healthier relationships:
Prioritise Self-Care
Taking care of your mental and physical well-being is essential in maintaining healthy relationships. When you’re overwhelmed, stressed, or triggered, it’s important to prioritise self-care to regulate your emotions. Whether it’s through therapy, meditation, journaling, or physical activity, taking time for yourself will help you feel more centred and better equipped to connect with others.
Therapeutic Support
Trauma, especially complex trauma, often requires professional support. Working with a therapist can help you process your experiences, develop coping mechanisms, and learn how to build stronger, healthier relationships. Therapy can also provide a safe space to practice communication skills and explore the impact of trauma on your relationships.
Work on Building Trust
Trust doesn’t come easily when you’ve been hurt, but it’s a cornerstone of healthy relationships. Start by building trust in small, manageable steps. This might involve being vulnerable in safe situations, expressing your feelings, or relying on others for support. As trust grows, so will your capacity for deeper, more meaningful connections.
Develop Emotional Awareness
Understanding your emotions and how they impact your behaviour is key to maintaining healthy relationships. Take time to reflect on your feelings and triggers, and don’t be afraid to seek help in identifying patterns that may be affecting your relationships. Emotional awareness can help you respond more calmly and compassionately in moments of conflict.
Practice Patience
Healing from trauma is a long journey, and relationships can take time to adjust as well. Be patient with yourself and your loved ones as you work through the challenges of trauma. Mistakes will happen, and there will be moments of frustration, but with understanding and communication, you can navigate these moments together.
Conclusion
Trauma, particularly complex PTSD, has a deep impact on how we form and maintain relationships. Emotional dysregulation, trust issues, and fear of vulnerability can make it difficult to connect with others in meaningful ways. However, by openly communicating with loved ones, setting healthy boundaries, and prioritising self-care, it’s possible to build and sustain fulfilling relationships.
As I’ve mentioned previously, recovery is a journey that requires self-compassion and persistence. Navigating relationships while living with trauma is part of that journey, and while it’s not always easy, it’s incredibly worthwhile. Let’s continue to break the stigma surrounding trauma and mental health by having open conversations with the people who matter most. Healing, trust, and connection are possible, one step at a time.
A note about the author: Craig Field (me) is not a trained counsellor or therapist. I do try to offer advice based on my own personal experience; however, you should always talk to a medical practitioner or qualified therapist to come up with a tailored plan to help with your illness.
My knowledge comes from my own personal, lived experience and that of witnessing people close to me navigating the mental health system.
These blog posts are not intended to replace your doctor or psychologist.
Together we CAN make a difference!
If this post has brought up some difficult thoughts for you, please seek help from your doctor or one of the services listed below. In an emergency dial 000.
13YARN 13 92 76
Blue Knot Helpline 1300 657 380
First Nations Support Line 1800 959 500
Headspace 1800 650 890
Mens Helpline 1300 789 978
Standby support after suicide 1300 727 247
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